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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's a Long Road, but I Won't Stop Walking


What do you do when you've been through hell? When you aren't sure how to cope and you end up hurting yourself and those around you?
Or when you feel stuck in the dark places of your mind, not sure you're strong enough to climb out?
I'm learning that you just keep going. Because none of it is the end of the world. You can't undo things that you've been through, but you can learn how to live with them and not let them define you. You can't take away things you've done, but you can say you're sorry to the people you hurt, forgive yourself, and do better.
Change is difficult, and scary. But I think it's finally hit me that I want to change. I don't want to dwell on the bad things, or hurt people I care about, or feel trapped in my own head. I know this sounds pretty screwed up, but I think that somewhere I felt that as long as I had issues, someone would care. So I didn't try as hard as I could to get better. But the people who really care, will still care when I'm "ok." It's comfortable here in a way, because it's what I'm used to. But I just can't do it anymore; it isn't what I want for myself, for my daughter, or for my boyfriend.
The past couple days have been killer, but I'm going to keep going forward. Because that's the only thing to do.

1 comment:

  1. So much courage, just don't skip the hurts that have never been heard, and yes, you can forgive yourself and also learn to love yourself more deeply, keep having care for you. Love the picture. this journey IS a killer, it is so uncertain and seems to take us right where we don't want to go. Urgh. but I send you safe hugs.

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