Tuesday, March 22, 2011

And Moving Back "Home"

So...my relationship is ending. My daughter and I are going to have to move in with my parents. We looked at the finances, and there is no way I will be able to afford living on my own. I looked into assistance, but my income is pretty far above the cutoff...so I am stuck. I don't qualify for assistance yet I will not be able to pay the bills living on my own. My parents have some extra room...and they've put the offer out there...and there isn't really another choice right now. My plan is to find a better (read: higher-paying) job ASAP so that I'm not living there for any longer than possible.

This breakup is hard, it sucks, I hate it. We were together for 5 years...and we both kindof started to realize that we want different things for our futures. I am completely emotionally and mentally worn out, thinking about how I'll miss him, how our daughter will react, whether he'll be ok staying with his parents, whether it's the right decision, whether it's what I really want, how soon I'll be able to get a place of our own.

I am super stressed about living with my parents again. I am having moments of pure panic...because I know there are lots of triggers there, I know there will be nightmares, I know there will be flashbacks and I really just started to be OK - starting to get past all those things. The answer, I suppose, is that I have to be stronger than those things. I have come a long way and I'm pretty sure I can get out of this with minimal backward stepping. But I'm a little scared. As dumb as that sounds.