Monday, November 21, 2011

The Labels for Blog Posts

So today I was looking at my blog and at the labels which are shown in a word cloud on the lower left-hand side. The way these word clouds work is- the more frequent the label, the larger the text size; so smaller text labels are used less frequently and larger ones are used more often, to label my blogs. I choose the labels after I write an entry.

So what I was noticing is that two of the biggest words are "healing" and "trauma recovery." This kindof made me smile. Over the course of the year and a half (about that) that I've been writing this blog, I am sure that those were not always two of the most frequently used labels for my posts. I still have a ways to go, but I have come a long way... Pretty cool :)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Victim vs Survivor Journal Activity from "Resurrection After Rape" by Matt Atkinson (see Resources tab)

So I started reading this book again. I'm going to make me do the journal activities. This is the first one. I'm sure I'll have more to add later on.
"What is the difference between a Victim and a Survivor? How do you think you will recognize the point when you have transformed from victim to survivor?" (p. 15)
A Victim is defined by her pain. She is still being victimized by the act that left her a victim in the first place. She is held hostage by memories, by hurt, by experiences. She copes ineffectively or not at all. She doesn't have hope of healing. She blames herself. She may feel numb about her R or SA or CSA experience, being able to talk about it as she'd talk about the weather.

A Survivor is who she is because of her pain and because of what she has been through, but she is not defined by it. She continues to live and function despite it. She has recognized that she deserves to heal and can begin to take steps to see this happen. She likely still struggles with self-blame, but she recognizes, intellectually at least, that she wasn't at fault. She is hopeful that healing is possible.

I will feel more like a survivor when I can say that it wasn't my fault and mean it; when I can direct my anger where it belongs without feeling guilty; when there is emotion attached to my story; when I grieve for what was lost; when I am no longer afraid to tell my story to people around me (after I wrote that, I thought, will this ever happen? would it even be good or healthy?)...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

IBS and Trauma, and a Nice Quote about Loving Yourself

"I tried to forgive them, I tried to forget them, but then I decided to love myself instead." I saw that in someone's  signature on Pandy's today and it stuck with me.

I learned on Monday that I have IBS, so I've got to pay attention to my diet and how I react to certain foods and start cutting things out. Not really cool since I have some eating/food issues to start with. I also learned that IBS is more common among:
  • "People in their late 20s.
  • Women.
  • People who have panic disorder or other psychological conditions.
  • People who have a family history of IBS.
  • People who have a history of physical or sexual abuse or other psychological trauma. Several studies have found a link between a past history of abuse and gastrointestinal disorders.
  • People with other conditions such as depression, migraine headaches, and fibromyalgia (which causes widespread muscle and soft-tissue pain and tenderness)" (from Web MD ).
I underlined the risk factors that apply to me; it made me laugh a little. My Dr also told me that for some people, IBS can get worse when they are stressed out. I also have GERD (acid reflux) and I know for me, that is worse when I am stressed so I wouldn't be surprised if the IBS is also worse.

I think it's interesting that studies have found links between GI disorders and past history of abuse. (An interesting article I found is here Relation Between Physical or Sexual Abuse and Functional GI Disorders by George F Longstreth, MD .)

I am kindof like are you fucking serious, I have more things to deal with right now while I'm trying to move and get packed and unpacked?! One more issue that comes up that could be linked to or caused by the CSA/SA. *Sigh.*