Monday, December 6, 2010

CSA and Promiscuity

One experience of being SA'd as a child will teach you things. Several years of it will teach you lots of things and ingrain them into your ways of thinking and seeing the world. One of the biggest ways it's affected my life was by teaching me that my worth lies in sex. So young people who've grown up thinking this end up promiscuous pre-teens and teens and usually young adults, sometimes even older adults. We believe that our sexuality is what makes us important to people, what makes people care about us, stay around us, like us, and love us. And promiscuity has rewards (such as attention, superficial caring,
popularity, sometimes gifts or money) that reinforce these beliefs.

Unfortunately, this promiscuity we adopt as a pattern of meeting our needs (although it doesn't work), also puts us in many situations perfect for revictimization. We flirt a lot, we dress for people to look, we are sexual with people we don't know well, we drink and use drugs to numb ourselves- we create a recipe for sexual assault. And when a revictimization occurs, we know that we, ourselves, got into that situation. It wouldn't have happened if I had/hadn't... There's guilt, self blame, self loathing, shame, which is all terribly difficult to get rid of, even years later. After this, some of us jump right back  into our liftstyle- to prove it didn't bother us, we're "strong," we're not broken, or simply because it's the only way we know to find caring and love, even if it isn't real.

The important thing, I think, is to realize the fucked up patterns and ways of thinking. After that, we can attempt to disarm them. Which is a very difficult thing to do, but I'm sure it can be done ;)


  1. Oh yes, it can really mess with us and then take years to untangle, but hey, we are untangling - you and I both.
    I hope you are doing okay, I hope you have found a good T, it really helps.
    I have just had someone post an abusive comment on my board, fortunately I moderate them so deleted it, it is the second one - which i suppose is not bad since i have been posting since June. But people are so weird. Sincerely hoping nothing like that happens here on yours, and maybe you could think about moderating them?

  2. I have had to close my site, (deranged stalker) send me an email address and I can add you as a private reader.

  3. me again, just wanting to hear you are in the process of finding a supportive Therapist or psychologist or something - don't like the idea of you going through this without skilled caring help.
    thanks for your comments on my blog, I am feeling better to have a team of people in place :)
    and I care - please look after YOU as if it was your daughter aged your age and in need of help.


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