Wednesday, April 20, 2011
When people find out what I have been through (or part of it...no one really knows every thing), many people's first reaction is to say they're sorry. And this doesn't happen very often, as its not like I go around talking about it- usually I prefer to pretend none of it happened. I realize they're not saying it because they had any hand in why or how it happened, they are simply sorry that I went through it. Which is a nice thing to say and really I do appreciate that kindness (especially since if I'm telling someone, they are someone I truly trust). However, it always makes me feel awkward, or bad, when people apologize like that for any of the CSA or SA's. I wasn't sure why, or hadn't really thought about it, until I read someone else's take on it at Pandy's. Now it makes sense that it's partly because it makes me realize that I actually went through something really horrible. I am used to minimizing it, or having other people minimize it- it wasn't that bad, it was a long time ago (most of it), just don't think about it, etc. But when someone apologizes in a tone or with a look that shows genuine sincerity...it reminds me that it WAS actually really bad. Not that that is a good reason to dwell on it or wallow in it or anything, I just thought it was an interesting insight into why it's weird for me when people say they're sorry.