Friday, December 16, 2011

Finding My Voice

This is something I'm going to be working on- speaking up for myself when something inappropriate is said. A couple weeks ago my dad made a pretty mean comment that, to me, was just meant to get in a jab basically saying I'm a slut. It was regarding how the first time my parents met my daughter's father, I was already pregnant. My mom followed suit later in the night, not nearly as mean, but still not really appropriate or kind. Both comments were made in front of my daughter.

Yup, I've been pretty promiscuous (you can see my blog about CSA and promiscuity here ) but (1) that was in the past- my daughter is now 5 years old and I was with her dad until earlier this year!; (2) it's not really any of my parents' business- I'm an adult; (3) it is certainly not an OK thing to make comments about especially in front of my daughter!

But, I didn't really say anything. I didn't say "hey that's not OK" or "that was really inappropriate" or "that was a long time ago, is it necessary to bring it up over and over?" or even "that really hurts my feelings when you make unnecessary comments like that" or anything. So...I am not good at standing up for myself. When I did, it backfired majorly and instead of getting understanding, I was the one who was ostracized. So after that I think I tried really hard to just not make waves at all- any form of standing up for myself was equal to this huge confrontation in my mind- and that was reinforced at the foster home I lived in. I have spent a lot of time trying to be silent and hide my voice.

So in counseling last week we talked about how it's supernecessary for my to find that voice and use it- not to be mean or inappropriate or bitchy back, but to stand up for me. Because it would be good for my daughter to see, because I couldn't before, because I need to like and love and respect myself enough to kindly demand respect from other people- even my parents.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome post:) Learning to be assertive after being silenced for so long....is a big deal, I'd have to agree. :) Thanks for writing about this!

    ReplyDelete

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