When do you stop blaming yourself? Stop believing that you deserved it because you are worthless, dirty, a failure (just look at everything else you have failed in)? When do you sleep through the night and not wake up with your stomach in a knot and your lungs begging for air? When does your heart start to open up and love yourself? When does it stop being scared?
I'd love to know...because I'm not sure how much more I can take. It's kindof funny because, I am not even sure how much of these feelings are from the CSA and SA and how much is from the breakup. Today is a rough day. I'm hoping once the coffee sets in and I wake up a little more...it'll get better...
I think it goes on for a while and then our system gives us a break. My own experience is that the more I allow myself to feel the awful feelings that come from the traumas, the more free and healed I become. But the ride is extremely bumpy which is why you need a good therapist. The worst case scenario is not doing the therapy, painful though it is, because then you live a half life and the healing is so hard to achieve.
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