If Your Injuries Could Speak...

...what would they say?

A healing exercise I found on Pandy's, which...I haven't really been visiting lately because it's been too triggering. I went today to look for some ideas for journaling exercises to get words out, and decided to give this one a try. It was titled "Letting Your Pain Speak," and that's sortof what I'm trying to do, to get it out, so it doesn't threaten me from inside anymore.

I don't really have "visible" injuries most days anymore, but if they could speak, what would they say?

She's scared.

She hurts, enough to take it out on herself.

She hates herself, her body, her memories.

She is so angry, but has no idea what to do with her anger; she only knows that she's scared to let it unleash the way anger has been unleashed on her.

She feels dirty and ashamed, for what's happened to her and for not making it stop.

She feels guilty for being such a burden to the few people who she let in, who are safe, who care; part of her wants to push them away so they just won't have to deal with her ups and downs anymore.

She thinks sometimes, maybe by destroying her body, she can destroy the negative things she believes about herself.

She has so much she wants to say, but she's scared to talk about it, but not talking is killing her.

She is not ok, everyday is a battle.

She can't take anymore disbelief, belittling, unreliability, insanity.

Her confidence is broken down, she doesn't see good or worth in herself.

She needs love and caring- to be shown love and caring, not told it; she's heard the words enough and words no longer mean anything.

So, if my injuries could speak, that's what they would say. Except a few of them, I think they would have screamed, not said.