So for therapy homework I am supposed to work on identifying my "rocks" - the rocks that weigh on my lungs when I wake in the night...I am supposed to identify what each represents, maybe one is anger at my dad for what he did, another is anger at my mom for not believing me...and so on. The idea is, I am supposed to feel the emotions that I haven't been able to feel/haven't let myself feel, etc. And this is...hard. I don't want to feel the way any of it would make me feel if I let myself feel the way it makes me feel.
If you've been following my blog for a while, you might remember I had similar homework about feeling feelings from the therapist I saw last year...and I was just as reluctant to do it then as I am now. However- do I want to be in therapy next year, again, with the same homework...? No, no I most definitely do not. So...that means...I do the damn homework.
Tonight when I wake up, and can't breathe, I write about one rock. Just one feeling. I don't even have to feel that feeling right then...just have to identify it and write it down in the journal. And then I go back to sleep.... Let's see how this goes.
I am waiting to hear how it went. I am cheering you on. This is the normal work for survivors. We can do it though, and you have such courage and determination. I cannot see you bailing out on this one. :)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. I am away from home most of August, but will try to get some kind of internet access to see how you are doing.
Caring about you. Encouraging you . So glad you are doing this work.