A Candid Talk with My Sister...

So...my oldest younger sister and I were talking today. It was just the two of us (and my daughter, who was off playing). We were talking about the aunt who is up, how when I first told about the CSA, she came up to be there for my dad- her brother- and how at one point in the few days after I told, she came into my room and started yelling at me about how I was ruining my family, did I understand what I was doing to my family, and on and on. When she was done, I was (of course) really upset, I went upstairs to my mom, crying, and told her what happened; my mom said she didn't know the aunt was yelling at me, she hadn't heard it from where she was in the house. Well, when my sister and I were talking today and this came up, she said (something like) "Yeah, I was so upset when she started yelling at you, I was crying and I went upstairs and told Mom." Um...excuse me, Mom said she didn't know about this incident. My sister said, "No, that's bullshit, I went up and told her about it, I was really upset." So not only did my mother not believe me about the CSA, but she let my aunt completely bully me at a time when I was already really vulnerable. Nice, thank you Mom. I'm kindof angry about this, though I know there's no point in being angry about it now. Actually, I think I'm more hurt than I am angry.

At another point in my conversation with my sister, I said that I didn't care who believed me about the "stuff with dad" (that is usually how it is referred to, or "the crap with Jessica"). And you know what she said? Quick background- she has never said she believes me; in fact after I told and my dad had to leave the house for a few months because of Child Protective Services or whatever, she was really mad at me for saying what I said and causing him to leave. She said that I shouldn't care who believes me because I know what happened. I was dumbfounded. I sorta expected...well, I'm not sure what I expected her to say, but it wasn't that. It really made me feel good, unjudged. It was so nice to have such a good conversation with her. Her and my middle younger sister (I have three younger sisters) and I have been talking a lot lately about family, about our parents, about ourselves, and it's been really nice.

Aside from all that, it's been a rough few days, but I'm doing what I have to do. Lots of homework to take my mind off things, finding new ways to keep myself grounded when I feel The Panic setting in.